I guess I just always expected that someone who wanted a mail-order bride would be the one to initiate contact, not the other way around…

From: sandra_d2013@yahoo.co.jp
Date: 3/4/2008 10:38:07 AM
To: sandra_d2013@yahoo.co.jp
Subject: My Sincere Heart Dear,My Dearest One,It is my pleasure to send you this details of my life for a sincere relationship

Er. Sorry, I don’t swing that way.

and for the fact that i am in need of your commit zeal

What do you get for that, probation and community service?

to help me on this important matter. I hope you will honor my mail

Gold star for email! Such a useful thing; it deserves it. Do you think I should give it a certificate of achievement, too?

and reply with your kindness, May almighty be with you (amen).

You kidding? BFFs, yeah? How about you?

I will begging by introducing myself to you.

Aw, you don’t have to do that.

My name is Sandra Denis, my father’s name is Dr.Rosen Denis. I was a student in University studying Medicine but i drop out after my late fathers death and i am here today in Ivory Coast because of the problem i explained bellow;

Not to be confused with your live father’s death. You have a Japanese Yahoo address and you’re in the Ivory Coast? And don’t bellow; it’s not lady-like.

My Father died when I was 13 years

Wait, wait, wait, wait. You were studying “Medicine” at “University” until your father died when you were thirteen? …and you’re trying to get a stranger on the internet to marry you? at thirteen?

and left me and mother with inheritance worth 14, 500,000.00 US dollars (Fourteen Million five Hundred Thousand US Dollars)

Ahahahaahaahaahahhhaaahaaahhhaaa…

In the Security Company here in Ivory Coast before my late father was call to the glory of almighty God with untimely death.

If he was called, it wasn’t untimely, now was it?

Though I have not meet with you before this introduction neither you know me but I believe that; one has to risk confiding in succeed sometimes in life.

And I have a bridge to sell you, too!

The death of my late father gave my mother serious intensive illness killed her in few month after my late fathers death.

Brought to you by the bulletin of the Department of Redundancy Department’s bulletin! Death has never been so funny.

I live in the house of our great grand Mother In Sierra Leone our home country before i decide to come over to Ivory Coast here to seek the release of my deposit inheritance in the security company custody.

Daddy liked long distance investments?

But my problem is that I need the assistance of a reliable and responsible man in your country

Er. :: looks at self :: I have never been mistaken for a man. Well, okay, there was that one time in the ladies’ room, but it was a two- or three-year-old kid who only saw a glimpse of me as I entered the next stall, and thought that since I had short hair and was wearing a Rocket Center jumpsuit, I must have been a guy. That was entertaining: “Mommy, there’s a MAN in here!” “No, dear, that wasn’t a man; she just has short hair.”

Still, no one who’s actually looked at me has ever mistaken me for male.

to assist me retrieve this consignment fund safely to invest the money in your country under a mutual agreement without the concept of my fathers relative or any third party.

By definition, I’m a third party. Now what?

I wanted to do this clearance outside the concept of my uncle because first, i am warned not to trust him or any of the family member because the death of my late father lays on his fortune and it is masterminded to them and they may also kill me according to the warning my mother gave me before she give up in life.

I… :: sporfles :: It’s like bad fanfic. Mary Sue, is that you?

Please, I have the great pleasure in confiding this matter to you for help if you can honor my mail as i honor you

Oooh, do I get gold stars, too?

and give me your sincere love and kindness to me regarding my request and myself.

“Love me, love my…money?”

I can send you the proves of this consignment if you promise to help me sincerely in your heart and that you will take good care of me when i get married to you not.

Marriage! Wait a minute - you just said “not” - tricksy, aren’t you?

But my coming to your country will be after the transfer of our consignment fund to your country is successfully or anyhow you decide to assist me on that. Please help me because my heart feel good with you and i want to be your future partner, for better or worse.

WHOA NELLY. Already told you, I don’t swing that way.

Please You Can Contact Me Through This E-mail; dns_sndrn@yahoo.no

Nobody ever wants to be contacted at the same email they used to send the message. :: Sigh ::

Yours faithfully,
Miss.Sandra Denis.

Still no. Just, no.